Nurturing the Protector: A Path to De-Stress Through Internal Family Systems

I used to be the Queen of stress. Seriously! I’d run myself into the ground thinking I have to get everything done and then I’d crash. I’d crash so hard that I would end up in the hospital every 9 months. It was like I was brewing stress like a baby and then birthing an illness every 9 months; kind of like a pregnancy. 


Was my life stressful or was my perspective about my life skewed? I’d say it was both. Stress is inevitable. Just like me, I’m sure one thing happens and then another and then another. It’s like this roller coaster of problems and you’ve been begging to get off the ride! I’m there with you. 


So, how do you know when you are stressed? Here are a few signs:

  • Changes in weight or sleep patterns

  • Irritable mood

  • Depressed mood

  • Foggy thinking

  • Feelings of guilt or worthlessness

  • Fatigue

  • Feeling anxious or worried

  • Loss of interest

Instead of watching the signs for stress, why don’t we shift our minds, align our hearts, and focus on prevention? We don’t focus on prevention because we have been taught to be reactive. Think about it. When there's a problem you see a counselor. When you are sick, you see a doctor. What if we started to prevent the way we responded to stress? 

Maybe it’s never been modeled to prevent symptoms. You might be thinking, “Where do I start?” I’m glad you asked! It wasn’t modeled to me either. I had to learn the language of myself. What do I mean by that? We all have “parts” of us. In internal family systems, we have “parts” like exile, manager, and firefighters. Managers and firefighters are also considered to be a protector. The protectors are there for a reason. You might:

  1. Try to be a perfectionist!

  2. Organize; like, really organize. Not just under the bathroom sink, but you organize the basement and garage too!

  3. Be extremely exhausted.

  4. Have several to-do lists.

The language of protectors can feel so exhausting! Can you take a moment to self reflect on your protector inside of you? 

Can I be honest with you? If so, keep reading. You might be creating stress in your life because that is a way to protect yourself…What exactly do you need? What is your unmet need? What have you not dealt with?

I’d like to share with you how to destress your life. I think it’s really important to ask your protector if they are willing; if they are willing to step away for a moment to learn how to destress. 

Here are 5 ways to destress your life:

  1. Take 10 minutes a day to sit in silence or meditation.Schedule this date with yourself on the calendar. You scheduled everything else so there's no reason why you can’t schedule some “you time” in!

  2. Write down your to do list either before bed or right away in the morning. Get your thoughts down on paper and don’t start off with 10 things! What are the 6 most important things to do that day?

  3. Plan ahead. Finances can be a huge stressor for many of us. What would it take for you to stash away an emergency fund? Could you start off with saving 1K and then working your way up to 6K? Lofty goals for some, but even 1K is worth having in the bank for an emergency.

  4. Get outdoors and put your toes in the earth. Get grounded and feel the energy of God's green earth flowing through your body. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill your mind, body and soul. 

  5. Deep breathing impacts the parasympathetic nervous system and stimulates the vagus nerve which runs from your abdomen to your brain. Slowly take a deep breath in and slowly count to 6. Slowly breath out and count to 5. You’ll be surprised how your body will thank you for doing this. 

I know life can be hard. Let’s be honest, it is hard. But you are in control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. You may not own the outcome of the circumstance, but you do own YOU. 

You can start to Recover from the past by forgiving yourself and letting your body know that you will treat it more kindly when stress invites itself into your life. Restore your body by nurturing it with good foods and lots of mineral water. Especially, during stressful times, we can’t wager our health. Lastly, Rewire how you approach and deal with stress. Learn to reach out for help. Seek out a professional and start living your life on purpose.

Cheers to de-stressing your life,

Tiffany


Tiffany Howard